Geckomon

hockeyfan-problems:

“Never regret anything because at one point you wanted it.”

Bull-fucking-shit.

I mean, come on. Everyone’s going to regret something, right? I mean, we all have regrets right?

Exactly. I mean, I don’t want to regret anything, and I try really hard to live my life the way I want to, and yet here I am, three years later and regretting not leaving for school.

Could I have made it at Michigan State? Yeah, probably. I mean, how am I ever going to know? I won’t anymore, I never will. And damn, it sucks. I’m torn apart by the feeling that I’ll never know whether or not I could have survived at the school of my dreams, going for the major of my dreams.

I mean, nursing is a wonderful career and the people I’ll touch is going to be wonderful, but I have serious worries that I’ll never, truly, be happy.

I want to go back, I want to change it.

I made the decision to stay here because I was scared to leave, I was scared to go away from home, I was scared to leave a boy I really liked, I was scared. That’s the basics of it, I was scared.

I wanted to go and be a translator, still could have realized that dream, but I didn’t because why? Oh, right, I didn’t want to leave that boy, again, to go and study in Japan. So going to a tiny little school, staying here.

All I ever wanted when I was younger was to go and explore the world. I knew that the world was so much larger then my tiny little town in this area, and now I’ll never know it. I’ll never see this world that I was so eager to explore when I was little.

What happens to the dreams of a child, anyway? It’s a horrible thing that school and life does to you. When you’re young, you have so many dreams for the future, so many plans. As you go through school, though, it all changes. Your dreams are crushed, replaced by what’s more possible.

Oh, don’t dream of running off to the far reaches of the world and exploring yourself.

Stay here, where you were born, raise a family, get a job, and die.

I can’t blame anyone else, though.

I really wish I could, but the sad fact of the matter is that I cannot. It was my decision to make, and I am the only one to blame for the way things turned out. So I’ll die right where I was born and live this life that I’ve condemned myself too.

I’ll do so with open arms and the hope that, honestly, I can eventually be happy with this choice that I’ve made.

LOL love it.

(Source: smoonie)